I was browsing the Netflix Instant library today, and I came across a terrible show about which I had entirely forgotten. When we had cable for a few months a while back, I had a harrowing and mysterious encounter with the History Channel's "MonsterQuest" program.
In case you haven't seen it, it's like a terrible reality show version of the "X-Files." At the beginning of the episode, various idiots across America describe that time they saw Bigfoot / the Jersey Devil / their grandmother naked. Then, a camera crew sorely lacking in artistic vision, along with an expert whom you can only assume has a history of heavy drug use, embark on a quest to prove that said monstrosity exists, and poses a severe threat to the survival of vacationers everywhere.
I didn't remember how terrible the show was, so I decided to watch an episode. I chose to educate myself about the Megalodon, an enormous shark that lived millions of years ago and may or may not still be crashing at his buddy's place in the Mariana Trench.
The MonsterQuest team headed to Mexico's Sea of Cortez, where fishermen had been reporting the presence of a large aquatic creature that would most likely be frightening if one were to encounter it personally. Preparations for an exploratory dive were being put together by a Formerly Overconfident American Interloper who had a Mysterious Encounter immediately after the Wise Aged Local had given him a Cryptic Warning about That Which We Do Not Understand.
I was already losing patience when the dive team explained how they would be able to tell if they had chosen the right location to search for the Megalodon. According to the Formerly Overconfident American Interloper, who was also apparently an expert in This Kind of Stuff, if the sea lions on the island they were exploring looked anxious, then that was a sign that there was surely a mega-predator somewhere nearby.
As soon as they started swimming around the breeding grounds, wielding enormous cameras and making a lot of noise, the team noticed that those sea lions sure seemed uncomfortable, and God knows those things only get nervous when gigantic dinosaur-sharks are approaching. The divers got out of the water just in time to not snap a picture of the presumably coy beast.
That's when I turned off the computer so I could go make some lunch.
It makes you question the whole "survival of the fittest" idea, as in, how do these producers continue to have jobs? P.S. Love the "stupid" label you tagged this with.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Ma. It's all in the label, really- that's how you get hits. The only reason I usually go on the internet is to do something stupid, so if other users are like me, this blog should become quite popular with time. ;)
ReplyDeleteAnd, as we discussed recently, it appears the only ones who oppose the teaching of evolution are those in serious danger of being left behind by it.
ReplyDeleteIf this were a Facebook status, I would "like" it.
DeleteThe so-called "History Channel" is a great example of a misnomer. Perhaps "Mishistory" Channel would be closer to the truth.
ReplyDeleteDid aliens really populate the Earth in prehistory as a cattle farm? When do the Mayans predict they'll return to harvest us? And has Reynolds Aluminum removed the protective qualities from their products?
Tune in Wednesday at 1:13 for these and other questions you did not know need not be answered on the MisHistory Channel.
Reading this reminded me of South Park's "History Channel Thanksgiving". It aired in November of 2011. I think it's quite relevant and might be worth checking out even if you're not a fan of the show.
ReplyDeleteHistory channel has left a bitter taste in my mouth the past few years. They'll have a great series like WWII in HD and then right after that, there will be an alien autopsy. It's like Jersey Shore on MTV (for you young folk, the "M" stands for music and used to actually play full-length music videos) or WWE wrestling on SyFy. Maybe I'm not hip anymore or maybe I'm just getting old but I don't understand how any of this programming is related to the channel that it's on.
I saw "History Channel Thanksgiving" shortly after watching an actual History Channel special on how ancient sculptures of birds are really scale models of alien flying machines. The similarities are hilarious. You'd think a channel supposedly dedicated to the teaching of history would be able to find reputable experts to interview.
ReplyDeleteAll I can say is "That was no boating accident!"
ReplyDeleteYet there are some very interesting coincidences with the whole Aliens in ancient times, like the pyramids in three different continents (Asia, Africa, and South America)all being built in the same style at the same time. Now don't get me wrong it doesn't take rocket science to build a pyramid, but all the coincidences make me wonder.
ReplyDeleteThen there is Atlantis, this mystical island that disappeared, which the only historical piece of evidence about it is a fictional piece written by Plato (I think, i know it was one of those philosopher guys) about a Utopia society and how utimatly Utopia would fail.
I never really got into the history channel but I love the SyFi Channel, Those shows like fact or faked, and ghost hunters, it's interesting how they use science and reasoning skills to prove or disprove and when they come across something they can it really makes you think what was it or what was really going on?
I love pondering the unknown, strange, and unexplainable, makes life a little more magical.