Fun movie time!

Well, gol-ly.  I just got back from watching Twilight: Part 4 at the theater. 

I am no fan of the series, but my friend Erin and I have now seen all the movies.  We didn't like the first three, which the fans mostly loved, but we like the fourth, which the fans mostly hated.

It was probably the gore.

Now, I'm your typical vegetarian, pacifist, northeastern NPR listener, and I don't like violence.  Usually.  But when it comes to unbearable characters who deserve to be punished by some sort of convoluted supernatural bullshit for their lack of development over three installments, well...that's a different story.

(I'll start by saying I think that the Twilight series is not a good example for the young women to whom it caters. According to its creators: You're not complete until you find a man.  Sex is only okay after marriage, and even then women shouldn't desire it.  Abortion is always morally impermissible, even if carrying the child to term would result in the mother's death.  It's okay for a grown man to fall in love with a baby, as long as he has a premonition showing him how hot she'll be in a few decades. Oh, and cannibalism is totally fine, with a prescription.)

The reason most girls like the Twilight series is the famous love triangle, between a pale, dead Englishman, an American Indian werewolf, and an obnoxious female narrator who is always unhappy about everything.  We pretty much giggled through all of the romantic scenes in the first three movies, while critiquing the poor acting and ridiculous plotline.

But this movie offered us fewer WTF?! laughs and more cringe-inducing violence.  Piles of bleeding corpses, emaciated masochists going under the knife without anesthesia, bones snapping, human body fluids being drunk out of a sippy cup.  The misogynistic undertones didn't even bother me as much this time, probably because I had given up on Bella ever growing a (metaphorical) pair about half way through the first film.  To her credit, she did finally take control of her body by refusing to get a life-saving abortion, even though the men in her life wanted her to.  (Though I have my suspicions that Stephanie Meyers was trying to send a pro-life message rather than a girl-power one.)

The film was equal parts disturbing, hilariously ridiculous, and heavy-handed.  Two thumbs up!

I tried WoW and I hated it.

Yes-- I tried World of Warcraft.  I did my best to give it an honest go.  But I managed to get killed off in the first twenty minutes or so of play and didn't care enough about the game to regenerate myself.

I was open minded-- I ignored my brother's teasing and set up a free trial account, and Blaph the pink-haired Gnome rogue set off on her first and only semi-adventure.

Apparently in WoW, there are two "sides"- they are called the "Alliance" and the "Horde" in the game,  but they're basically Good and Evil as far as I could tell.  Anyway, I was a Good Guy (Gal, really), and began my short-lived time in the world of Azeroth.

In Azeroth, Gnomes are not creepy little garden figurines that come to life under a full moon and murder you in your sleep like they are on Earth.  They are kind of like Santa's elves I guess- they like to "tinker" in "workshops" and "make" stuff.  (It would appear that outsourcing isn't really a concept in the fantasy genre.)

Anyway, after a short introductory video explained all this to me, I was dumped in (and I am not making this up) a Gnomish subway station plagued with dangerous lepers.

Now, I hate germs and disease much more than pretty much everyone else, but this scenario offended my "liberal sensibilities."  In a world where you have all types of magic and healing spells, someone couldn't take the time to sprinkle a little fairy dust on the lepers?  Wasn't that what Jesus wanted us to do (metaphorically speaking)?

Of course, my typed response when the lepers asked for my help was "sorry, i really dont care."  And then I ditched them to go kill fluffy animated bunnies.

So, yeah...

I also learned that in Azeroth, unlike in real life, cowardice is not rewarded.

I was having a fun time stabbing ogres and rabbits and all, but I finally met my end (or rather, Blaph met finally met her end) when I decided it was time to figure out what the hell I was actually supposed to be doing.  (World of Warcraft is not a good place for people who don't like to do video game problem-solving.)  I was walking along when another ogre thing attacked me, unprovoked.  I didn't really feel like fighting, so I decided to run away using the zig-zag patterns that zebras use to tire out ravenous cheetahs.

But Blizzard doesn't like it when you do that.  Blizzard sends other monsters after you to punish you for your pacifistic approach.  The monsters gang up on you, and the next thing you know you are in a graveyard, being told to "find your body" if you want to keep playing.

And if you don't, you click the exit button, shut down your computer, and thank God that you didn't enjoy your short-lived foray into the World of Warcraft.

A new adventure

To my dear readers:

As some of you already know, my time in Quebec has come to a close for now.  I will of course visit my new friends in Trois-Rivieres from time to time, but I am once again living in Upstate New York.

But I wouldn't want to deprive you all of the pleasure that reading my blog gives you.  I have decided to keep writing about my strange experiences, only this time, I will go out looking for them instead of letting them come to me. (Living in a foreign country is bound to bring more new adventures to your door than hanging out in the same town you suffered through high school in.)

I will start trying things that have never interested me, to see if I'm missing out on anything.  I haven't tried a lot of typical "fun" things because my own bizarre interests take up most of my time.  (How many yodeling, goundhog-feeding foreign-language enthusiasts do you know?)

On the agenda:

-Try World of Warcraft (I realized I shouldn't make fun of people who play it unless I am absolutely sure it is as lame as it sounds.)
-Camp out at a protest (I'm too moderate to be really "into" most political causes, but hey- people and their beliefs fascinate me.)
-Go "hunting" (I'm a strict vegetarian, so I wouldn't be able to do much besides sit in a tree stand.  But still.)

Please, if you know me and know what doesn't interest me-- or if you don't know me but know of something cool that I should try-- comment!  Who knows- you may just introduce me to something I'll end up adopting as a hobby!

Ottawa!

Well, I just got back from Ottawa last night.  Some friends and I stayed at a hostel there to experience the capital of the country we are staying in.  It was really pretty: castle-type buildings, a Parliament modeled after the English one, a lack of litter and urine on the sidewalks...basically, exactly what you would expect of a major Canadian city.

I have run into a bit of problem, though.  Whenever I appear in photographs now, I look quite pudgy.  I haven`t gained weight- it`s just that the camera adds 10 pounds, and the parka adds about 20 more.  To avoid wearing the parka would be to avoid staying warm, so I really have no choice when I`m traveling. So don`t think I`ve "let myself go" when you see the images on Facebook.

Ready for liftoff!

Well, I had a pleasant return visit to Upstate New York, but tomorrow I'm hitting the road to go back to the Great White North.  I've spent the past few days gathering my provisions and supplies for the journey ahead.
Already acquired:

One (1) Large box of Nerds (to give to my friend Hannah if I do not eat them all on the bus.) (I would like to apologize in advance to Hannah for eating her Nerds.)

Two (2) Flannel shirts, purple in hue (Never thought I'd say this, but I need to wear more plaid if I want to fit in)

One (1) Complete season of South Park (As the DVD's of Futurama were too expensive and Comedy Central doesn't stream to Canada.)

Two (2) Books: Dostoevsky's The Idiot (so I have something to read when I'm feeling like the only sane person in a world gone mad), as well as a guide to humorous Quebecois expressions (when I'm in a more lighthearted, utilitarian mood.)

Seventeen (17) containers of various types of medication and nasal sprays (I'm not sure why they gave me nasal sprays because my ear hurts.  Maybe my pharmacist is just sadistic.)



Yet to be acquired:

One (1) decent pair of Smugglin' pants

Two (2) bus tickets

Various (4<) Garden gnome accessories.

I feel really bad because I screwed up my schedule and was consequently unable to visit my best friend in the whole wide world this week.  I had a Quebec-pride flask to give her, but she never got it.  (I'm sorry, Erin.)  So I have decided to start dressing up the garden gnome she gave me at Christmastime in seasonal outfits when I get back to TR, and I will send her pictures.  That way, it'll be almost like we are together for HolidaySeasonPreparationTime! again.

Any suggestions for what I should pack the next time I make the trip?  Or for HolidaySeasonPreparationTime! ?

Much love,
D

Hockey!

On Friday night, I went to my first Canadian hockey match.  The UQTR was playing Laurier.  Unfortunately, we arrived after the match had started (there was some confusion as to which arena we were supposed to go, and then we got very lost on our way to the correct location.)  But what we saw was quite entertaining.  Hockey is a fast-moving sport, and there is a lot of sportmanslike violence.

At the end of the match, I was a bit disappointed- no fights had broken out, and there was no blood on the ice.  I did, however, enjoy some deliciously greasy frites during halftime, so that made the players' safety a little less disappointing.

And, for all of my Upstate NY readers- I'll be coming round the mountains in a week for a visit home! Call me if you want to hang out.

New Post!

The weather is terrible right now, but I am in a great mood!  Do you want to know why?  Well, I'll tell you!

I tried to walk to Loblaws about an hour ago but I had barely left my apartment when the sky got black and the rain started pouring.  (It's been pretty wet here in T.R. lately.)  I was going to keep going, but the wind was making this weird buzzing noise, and figured that I should go back inside just in case we were having another tornado.  Since everyone in New York knew about the tornado before I did last time, I decided to turn on the Quebec news, so that I wouldn't feel like an idiot again incase something newsworthy happened.

Well, there was no tornado reported, but I noticed that I was understanding all of the stories!  Which is pretty exciting, as I've only been here for less than two months.  My French really has gotten better! While I still struggle to speak it sometimes, it is much easier to understand what other people are saying, even on TV, where they aren't slowing down for me.

I've also been watching a show on Canal D called Legendes Urbaines, which is about- you guessed it!- urban legends.  Tonight's episode told the story of a woman who supposedly got herpes in her eye after a male stripper threw his underwear on her face, and that of a guy who was pretending to talk on his cell phone in a very exclusive club that didn't get cellular service, and everyone knew but him.  It's kind of like Snopes, but the stories are told in the style of a true-crime TV show, so it's hard to figure out whether or not the legends actually happened.  (For some reason, re-enactments make everything more believable for me.)

Who all? You all.

So, one thing that they apparently do not have in England is a specifically pluralized form of`"you." 

They think that "you guys" is pretty funny, and "y'all" is even funnier.  And I use both.  (Which one I use depends on whether or not I`ve had anything to drink.)  So when I talk, they think it`s pretty funny.

But they don`t even say "who all" or "what all," either.

 Last night, we were hanging out at my flat and I asked Jo "Who all is coming?"
  She was confused.  "Who is Paul?"
"Huh?" 
"Who is Paul?"
"What? I don`t know."
"You said Paul is coming."
"What? No, no. I said `who all`is coming."
"Who all?"
"Yeah. Don`t you say that in England?"
"No."
"Or `what all`or anything like that?"
"No.  Is that like `y`all`? "
"Uh, yeah. I guess so."
"Y`all.  That`s funny."

But there are more differences.  Here are some words that are different in British Englsih (listed first) and American English:

Bathing costume = Swim suit
Car park = Parking lot
Fit = Hot (attractive)
Hot = Warm in temperature
Jumper = Sweater
Shattered = Exhausted
Knickers = Panties
Pants = Underwear
Trousers = Pants
Sweets = Candy
Trainers = Sneakers
Shag = Screw (The sexual term.  Not the construction one.  You wouldn`t want to say "I need to
                            shag in this broken table leg.")
Leisure = Leisure (But they say "leh-sure", not "lee-sure.")
Cinema = theater
? = The Man (I had to explain The Man.  They don`t think they have one, but of course they do. The
                          Man is everywhere.)


Can you all think of any other words that are different in one place than in another? Please comment.

A visit home

Well, I'm back in America for another 15 hours or so.  I'm glad I'm here, because I had forgotten why I left.  I miss you all, but seriously, Canada is great.  It's what I imagine the U.S. would be like if we had a commitment to our professed values.

But one thing America did get right is letting us eat whatever we want.  In England, the candy "Nerds" is banned.  Yes- banned!  Because it is too sweet.  So English kids have to stock up when they visit America.

Another thing we have that Europe doesn't is Halloween.  Also Thanksgiving.  So I'm looking forward to celebrating with people who aren't sick of those holidays yet, and who have never really even experienced them.  I can't wait to let y'all (the English kids love "y'all") know how the return journey goes.  Another three hours in the car and four on a bus?  Not so bad.

I`m on the library computer

Yes, after all I went through to get my own internet connection up and running, I have now been cut off again and must use someone else`s.  Good Lord, I now have to leave my appartment to indulge my inner narcissist online.  Not cool.

And holy merde, I just found the question mark symbol.  I actually had to ask a girl in the library how to "faire le signe d`arrobe" so that I could make an @.  Well, to make up for all of my poorly punctuated questions on Facebook today, here you are: ???????????????

Well, I was wrong about the date of the placement test.  It was today.  And it was hard.  But I guess that`s kind of the point. 

I`m already making friends, too, which is nice--- and, I must admit, unexpected.  I particularly hit it off with Ana from Mexico, Chan from China, Ingo from Austria, and Jo, Hannah, and Marcus from England.  Things are going well here.  Everyone is so nice and patient when I try to talk to them.  And their stories are interesting.  Some people are at the school to learn French so that they can study toward an MBA, some are recent immigrants with families who need to learn the language to get a job, and others are exchange students with French majors, or whose universities require a semester or year abroad. 

Oh, and my groundhog has a name--- Boudoin.  It means "brave friend."  My mom found it and I love it!  I bought a pear for him at Loblaw`s today, and I watched from a distance as he peeped back out of his hold hole and then grew comfortable enough to eat the slices.  There`s probably some rule against feeding him, but law enforcement is pretty scarce up here, and as I told my dad when he asked about the legalities, it is a crime of passion.  My love of wildlife will certainly be mitigating.

Also, the British students think that groundhogs and possums are exciting, because they don`t get to see them back home.  So I`m not the only one.   I`m going to make a Boudoin fan page on Facebook.  Because he`s my man.  "Like" and give me your address and I`ll send you an "official supporter" hand-written certificate on notebook paper.  You know you want one.

I'm checking out your moped, not you, dork!

Yep.  As I told some of you via text message, guys ride mopeds up here unironically.

I'm all for going green, but please don't act like you're cool by hunching over on a mini motorcycle with your messenger bag slung across your chest. Please. The look is just not sexy.  I don't know where you're getting the idea that it is.

But then, maybe I just have different taste, being from the exotic land of Upstate New York.

Moving on.

I saw the groundhog today.  I bought birdseed for him at Canadian Tire, but he didn't eat it.  (I looked online later and learned that they like vegetables and fruit.  They have been known to climb trees in pursuit of apples and pears.  So now you know.)  I also bought a voodoo doll from a vending machine there for Christina. 

Canadian Tire is, in Olivia's words, un magasin pour les hommes.  It's what you would get if Sears, Dick's, and Carhart had a baby and raised it in the Quebec wilderness.  There's all kinds of stuff there- tools, hockey gear, kitchen appliances, toilets, bait... I ended up going there twice because the first time I got caught up in the hunt for souvenirs to send back to you all that I forgot the birdseed that I went there in search of.

I also went to Loblaws again to buy my first bag of milk.  Rachel, Olivia, and Olivia's friend Gabrielle were there when I came back.  I was so excited to try it!  They thought my reaction was funny.  To them, bags of milk are a pretty normal thing.  Gabrielle pointed out that the bags "sont plus practique, non?" compared to cartons, and I guess that makes sense.  They're probably better for the environment, you can freeze the extra ones you buy (at least that's what I did.  I don't know if you're actually supposed to do that), and you can show off your nifty milk pitcher whenever you have someone over for cereal. 

I actually put my milk in an enormous Quebec-sized decanter, because it was cheaper than the pitcher and could hold more.

My roommates' classes start tomorrow.  It's probably a good thing, too.  Orientation got a bit crazy.  Olivia came home early from the party last night because she got ketchup in her hair and got really grossed out by it.  But this did not happen accidnetally.  The psych students covered themselves in condiments as part of the festivities.  (Maybe they do that to get a glimpse inside the heads of their future clients.  That's my best guess, anyway.)  Other majors had nerf wars, drove around campus shouting at passerby with bullhorns, or did, as I saw for the first time this afternoon, relay-type activities dressed as wizards.

So that's that.

Not to get you down, or anything

Okay, so my last post was a little heavy.  But I felt like it was important to share some more serious thoughts.

Not that I don't have some lighter stuff to share.

For instance, today is Labour Day.  Which menas everything is closed except for Pharmaprix (pronounced "Far-mah-pree", not "pricks") and the gas station up the street that sells pretty much just booze, junk food, and lottery tickets.  (Don't worry, I don't play the lotto.)  So I think I wandered around for probably a total of two hours or so today looking for something to do.  (I ended up buying a copy of Forrest Gump, watching it, and heading out again for some canned peaches.  When I got home I ate the peaches.  And that's about it.)

The best thing about everything being closed is that you can walk around like a creep and stare at people but pretend you're just looking for a place that sells canned peaches.  Also if you stop to talk to a friendly groundhog no one will see you and think you're crazy. 

This groundhog ("marmotte") is pretty brave.  Or maybe he just smelled my fear of contracting rabies and that gave him a confidence boost.  He was hanging out by his hole in the lawn when I spotted him and stopped for a cautious chat.  At first he seemed a little weirded out by the attention, and he didn't say much, but after a while I got the sense that he was starting to like me.  There's a pet store on Sainte Marguerite.  Maybe they know what sort of treats I could buy for him. 

Or maybe it's a she.  Anyway, it needs a name. It's hard because I get the sense that it's a guy (he just kind of stares stupidly off into space when you're trying to talk to him), but "marmotte" is a feminine noun.  And I don't think I'll be getting close enough to find out for sure.  Any name ideas?

Finally back online!!

Well, with the help of my roommate Olivia, I have obtained a cord that connects my computer to the internet (as well as to the wall, which means I can sit no more than 2.1 metres from the plug.)  I am finally back online.  I didn't realize how much time I wasted on the Internet until I had no wifi access.

Things are going even better than planned.  I used my first few days on my own to grocery shop, gaze lovingly at my garden gnome, and watch the few dvd's I could fit in my suitcase (if you haven't seen Matt Damon in "The Informant!", go out and rent it immediately.)  Trois-Rivieres is a small city by urban standards, but on my scale it is huge.  There is a mall around the corner, and a Loblaws, where you can buy bags of milk (Olivia was surprised that we don't have sacs de lait in America.)  Also, they sell single bottles of beer (collect 'em all!)  The gas station up the street has an entire wall cooler devoted only to beer, a cheap liquor display, a decent liquor display, an expensive liquor display, and all sorts of wine, but no quart containers of ice cream or tampons.  They don't I.D., either. The only indication that there is a drinking age at all is the Bud "are you 18?" sign at the checkout counter. 

So that's different. 

For orientation, all the kids from a particular major tour campus as a group in costume in the day, and then go party at a chalet at night.  Olivia is going to her orientation dressed as a biker chick.  She bought fake tattoos for her neck and cut up a pair of jeans this afternoon in preparation.  I haven't yet heard of an American school having costume parties so that kids can meet the people in their program.

So that's different, too.

I'm loving this new experience- it's nice to be somewhere that's not so far from home, but is culturally worlds away, and I'm lucky to be with people who are patient with me.  There's a lot I don't understand, but I am picking up on more and more French, and my immersion program hasn't even begun yet.  Hopefully there will be more "compris" and less "J'comprends pas" in time.

First Post

Hello, all!

As you can probably tell from the title, I have created a blog dedicated to sharing (some of) my adventures in the Great White North with those on the homefront. This is going to be an interesting experience, and I really don't know what to expect any more than you do.  All I know is that I will be doing a French immersion program at UQTR in Trois-Rivieres, Quebec.  I do not find out my roommates' names or nationalities until late July, so I probably won't be posting anything else until then.

Thanks,
Daegan