I tried WoW and I hated it.

Yes-- I tried World of Warcraft.  I did my best to give it an honest go.  But I managed to get killed off in the first twenty minutes or so of play and didn't care enough about the game to regenerate myself.

I was open minded-- I ignored my brother's teasing and set up a free trial account, and Blaph the pink-haired Gnome rogue set off on her first and only semi-adventure.

Apparently in WoW, there are two "sides"- they are called the "Alliance" and the "Horde" in the game,  but they're basically Good and Evil as far as I could tell.  Anyway, I was a Good Guy (Gal, really), and began my short-lived time in the world of Azeroth.

In Azeroth, Gnomes are not creepy little garden figurines that come to life under a full moon and murder you in your sleep like they are on Earth.  They are kind of like Santa's elves I guess- they like to "tinker" in "workshops" and "make" stuff.  (It would appear that outsourcing isn't really a concept in the fantasy genre.)

Anyway, after a short introductory video explained all this to me, I was dumped in (and I am not making this up) a Gnomish subway station plagued with dangerous lepers.

Now, I hate germs and disease much more than pretty much everyone else, but this scenario offended my "liberal sensibilities."  In a world where you have all types of magic and healing spells, someone couldn't take the time to sprinkle a little fairy dust on the lepers?  Wasn't that what Jesus wanted us to do (metaphorically speaking)?

Of course, my typed response when the lepers asked for my help was "sorry, i really dont care."  And then I ditched them to go kill fluffy animated bunnies.

So, yeah...

I also learned that in Azeroth, unlike in real life, cowardice is not rewarded.

I was having a fun time stabbing ogres and rabbits and all, but I finally met my end (or rather, Blaph met finally met her end) when I decided it was time to figure out what the hell I was actually supposed to be doing.  (World of Warcraft is not a good place for people who don't like to do video game problem-solving.)  I was walking along when another ogre thing attacked me, unprovoked.  I didn't really feel like fighting, so I decided to run away using the zig-zag patterns that zebras use to tire out ravenous cheetahs.

But Blizzard doesn't like it when you do that.  Blizzard sends other monsters after you to punish you for your pacifistic approach.  The monsters gang up on you, and the next thing you know you are in a graveyard, being told to "find your body" if you want to keep playing.

And if you don't, you click the exit button, shut down your computer, and thank God that you didn't enjoy your short-lived foray into the World of Warcraft.